Did you know that individuals who give to charity are more likely to feel happy, satisfied, and a higher sense of purpose? In this eye-opening episode of Couchside Conversations, financial advisors Beau Wirick and Patrice Bening explore the real meaning behind generosity, different giving styles, and how to optimize your tax strategy.

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Patrice you and I were talking about generosity, charitable giving, and, Gen-X and millennials statistics show, are pretty charitable. Like 70% or more of Gen X. Millennials make charitable giving a frequent part of their financial plan. And so I just wanted to have a conversation with you today about charitable giving, the heart behind it, the strategies behind it. I want to start off with a question for you because you shared something that was so fascinating about how you grew up in Romania, in a communist country, and just what was charitable giving in that concept, like at that point in that place?

Well, it's interesting, but you know, I like to think of myself as a giving and charitably inclined individual. When you and I were talking about this and I had to think about what even the conversations I had with my parents were actually more lack thereof around charitable giving. I think it's not fair to kind of put that into a very black and white picture. I'll explain why. I grew up during a time of scarcity from a resource standpoint in Romania.

So when you really read in the headlines about my country or even a lot of countries in the Eastern block, as you heard about long lines for stores and people being there since four in the morning. And the problem was that there was a very limited allocation of milk, produce, meat that went into stores. So people had the money to buy those particular goods.

When the resources were exhausted, there's nothing for you to buy.

So doesn't matter how much money you have had, it's not there.

So what it really, really came down to is I realized even though I grew up in the, let's say, proverbial village type of environment, I grew up in a city, but I was surrounded by a really large community. What I noticed is that we all stepped in for each other. My maternal grandmother lived in the countryside, so she actually bartered with the neighbor who had a cow for milk. She raised chickens, so she gave eggs instead for milk. And then at the same time, she was able to make bread because she had the flour and gave that to the neighbor that did not have access to those resources.

So I think for me, the love language and the giving that was instilled in me was actually through food and taking care of people in that regard. Even though there was never once a conversation, where should we give money to a person? Never. Actually, that wasn't even in the picture.

And much less should I donate to this 501c3 and get the tax deduction and all those strategies that we talk about? It was really just you taking care of your village.

It really is. What's really interesting, I have a really good friend. His name is Simon Sinek.

Oh, do you know?

Oh, yeah. I'm acquainted and he's follows me on Instagram.

For those of you who don't know Simon Sinek, he's an accomplished speaker and an author. He wrote the book starting with why I Find Your Why. I think even when we think about charitable giving, it's interesting. I think to find your why you should be giving.

I love that

He talked about something very interesting that kind of really tied it in for me to my personal story. In a podcast, he talked about one of the how oxytocin, who's our happy hormone, how it impacts our mood and our emotions, and the way that oxytocin is released in our in our system is through two ways. It's typically physical contact. So if you hug somebody, if you cuddle with your children, your pet, or through acts of kindness. What's interesting is that oxytocin is released not only when we perform acts of kindness, but also when we see others do it, and then what that does, it actually kind of creates a phenomenon of building upon this building blocks of generosity that lead to a sense of community and strengthening bonds within that community.

So what I think what I saw within my little village, in Romania, is that there's so much, so many acts of kindness that were being shared amongst my family, my friends, friends of friends, that it made me in turn want to do the same. And it made me feel really good.

I just love that. Like the picture that you paint simplifies everything in this conversation because ultimately, what we're trying to do when we give, we give time, we give our money, we give our talent.

What we're trying to do is take care of our village, right? We're trying to make that connection with people. And it's like we are tribal beings and we want like it makes us happy. We're designed. We're built that way where it brings us happiness, when we're taking care of others who are in need. I think the more that you see that person receiving it, and the more you are part of a community that's giving like it makes you happy.

And I think there's a lot of studies, that, that show, like the more you give, the happier you are that oxytocin effect. And then the opposite, the less that you give, the more that you kind of keep your resources to yourself. It actually makes you an unhappy and unhappier person than you otherwise would be. And so part of it, like when we talk about charitable giving, there's a lot of strategies and we get a get a lot of texts from clients like, hey, I want to save on taxes. How do I give to charities in order to save on taxes? And I always have to tell clients like, you're never going to give your way into making more money. Even if you get a huge tax benefit, you're still going to walk away with less money you want to give. There has to be a why behind it, kind of like what you said.

So you are a person who I feel like is just inherently generous. I wish I was more like Patrice, you know, like if someone needs something, you're going to be there. And so talk to me about your process of like how you deal with all of that heart for for generosity and wanting to give. And how do you find the values that really make sense to you that you're going to focus on giving?

I think I tap into my emotional side of giving. So I am that person that if you send me a me link right now, if I see some kind of event on TV, if there's a natural disaster, my natural inclination is to figure out a way to give the problem with that is that I don't really have a plan on on giving, and it's as lovely as it is that I would like to give. It's sporadic, it's very reactive. And let's say if there's no natural disasters and I wish there were no natural disasters and I wish that nobody was suffering, but I don't think I've really put pen to paper or really have, values conversation with my even with my spouse to figure out what exactly do I care about when it comes to giving. And honestly, when I think about you, you are a very unique individual when it comes to your giving strategy, and I, I don't believe this was overnight. There was a whole process, I think, that evolved for you. So I would love for you to share that, because I. I love the way that you approach it honestly.

Well, it's it's funny because I, I look at you, I'm like, oh, my gosh, Patrice is so generous. She's so like, what a big heart. I'm like, if I'm being honest, I think there's a lot of people who probably fall into my category of like, it's not the first thing on my mind to give back. I'm pretty much blinders on. I'm focused on work. I'm focused on my family. I'm kind of out of sight, out of mind, and that's just the way that I am. I don't think it's a judgment or anything like that. So for me, it takes a lot of intentionality to give to the charities, to give to people who are less fortunate. And it's something that brings me a lot of joy.

The more that I've done it, the more that I've realized I love this. Every Christmas, Danielle and I sit down with one of our favorite charities, and they send us a catalog and we get to buy a cow for this family and a farm for this family, and dig a well for this family. And the impact that we get to have on people's lives is just extraordinary.

It's my favorite day, but that's not something that I would do just naturally, I don't wake up thinking like, I want to help some people in a foreign country right now. And so for me, it was instilled in me at a very young age, like even when there was like, hey, here's your $10 allowance. You want to save it, save 10%, you want to give away 10%, you want to spend 80%.  That was just the way that was normal to me. That's how I was raised, is just part of my family culture. And so ever since then, my entire life, I've just kept that practice of I, you know, make 100 bucks, you give away ten, you save ten, and you spend 80. Like, that's the that's the goal. And so because of that, that program like that system, I've gotten to enjoy the benefits of being a giving person, whereas I don't think I otherwise would be.

It's like I'm like, on the other side of the spectrum, it's you. Good plan, good strategy, not, you know, I'm not like pulled in a thousand different directions.

So two follow up questions to that. So I get it. Like when you're when you're single, when you're alone and you can have those values that were instilled in you early on. But you got married and now you're with Daniella and you also are expecting your first child. Congratulations on that. Thank you. How did you explain those values to Daniella? And what if what if she wasn't? I know that she is receptive now, I believe, but it's like, maybe kind of. How did that go? And then how do you envision, you know, giving for your little one?

Yeah. So Daniella is much more like you. Like when I met her, I remember the first time I got into her car, it was filled with backpacks, little backpacks that she had filled with, like kits for homeless people that she would just hand outside the window. She never met a person she didn't want to help. So, you know, it's got food, it's got medical, you know, supplies, everything. She's just giving, giving, giving. And now that I'm married to her, we get, you know, mail from all these different charities that she's given money to over the years. And so we really kind of combined our two strengths. Well, I would say that she's the one who kind of has her finger on the pulse of what, what people need. And I'm probably the one who has a finger on the pulse of what we can give. And I think that's a good combination. I think as far as our kids are concerned, I want them to be in that conversation. It's like, oh, like, who do we want to give to this year? What do we want to pick out from this catalog? And I want to teach my kids, you know, how how fulfilling it is to give part of your money away. You know, if you're getting, say, 10%, like like we do, it's like, well, half of Friday is basically I'm working for people who who are less fortunate. It feels really good. And so I want to instill that just kind of like you want to instill eat your vegetables to your kids, like, this is good for you. It's healthy. It's good, good for society. Whether or not they grow up to adopt that as a, you know, that's up to them. But I think I'll, I'll try my best to have that part of our family culture.

I think that my, my two boys who are now 17 and 19, I'll be very honest, we've never had explicit conversations around giving or at least financial giving. But what I have done early on is we've I've had them clean out their rooms in their closet and identify things that, they could give to kids that were less fortunate. And even that was actually hard for them to part ways with. That was once their favorite toy. Maybe they weren't still playing with it, but over time it became almost automatic. They would come to me and say, mama, I, you know, I have these pants. They don't longer fit me or I, you know, I have this like, puzzles, like I don't, you know, I don't I'm not going to play with them anymore. And what was really neat, there was an organization really close to my house, that I knew they would take a lot of the things that families had used over the years. And the best example was that I had a stroller that, I used for many a jogging stroller that I loved, and I, I donated that along with other things. And a couple weeks later, I happened to be back to to give some more things and a young mom had my stroller with the baby and then the toddler, walking by the side. And honestly, to me, I was that was impactful giving. I knew I changed someone's life for for better, even though it was just something very small like that.

Yeah, but getting to see the effects of your generosity again, that kind of brings you back into that village imagery of like, oh, I'm getting to see that person with the stroller.

And now she gets to take care of her kid. And I've really given given forward. Whereas when you just write a check to some, you know, I guess, ethereal sort of philosophical organization that you're giving to you, you don't necessarily get the same impact over it. So I think at this stage I feel like being boots on the ground and giving to an organization either with your time or your stuff or your money, as long as you can get the chance to actually see the impact, it's going to be so much more fulfilling.

Unknown

And I feel like it kind of reinforces that relationship with the organization. And I experienced this with an organization, the one that I was talking about, years back when I was still an actor, the star of the show that I was working on, she invited me on a trip to. She's very charitable, and she invited me on a trip to Jordan, where we were basically raising awareness for refugees from the Syrian civil war.cAnd I got to meet so many different families who had been displaced from that war, and they were living in camps or little apartments, but getting to meet them and see the impact that that organization was having allowed me to come home with a lot more passion and a lot more, I guess fulfillment of like, oh man, I am going to keep on giving. I'm going to spread the word. I care so much more because I'm seeing the impact of it. Whereas again, I'm like, again, out of sight, out of mind. Right? Like I'm not the type of person who gets something in the mail. I'm like, oh, I have to send a check, right? And so for me, I think it's really important to see what's happening.

I think there's a lot of people out there that are just like that. So but for people who are just starting this journey, they're like, what is a charity? Yeah. Like, what is this thing called giving? Why would I give away? What do you think are some ways that that person can start to kind of hone their values and, and decide, like, what do I want to give? How do I want to give? Like what's the best use of my time, talent, treasure?

I think it's really we probably get overwhelmed by the amount of information that's out there and the options that we have when it comes to just about everything. So having too many choices is not a good thing. But in my personal experience, I would say start small, start with it. Start within your friends group, find out what they're passionate about. Find out how they get involved with the community. You know, I think personally, as I wanted to instill more of the charitable giving into, you know, within my family, through a good friend of mine, I found that she was involved with her son. It was a mother son, activity to do, community service work with different organizations, throughout Los Angeles. And when I heard about that, I said, this is fantastic. What a great way. Not just for me to spend time with my son, but also for him to learn about different causes. And, you know, maybe some of that will tug at his heartstrings and figure out, like down the line, he's going to pursue, you know, but whatever he wants to do. But it's my I would say duty or, you know, as a parent, I feel like I would love for him to be exposed to that. So going back to like where does one start? Is it is starting with your values just the same thing? We have that conversation before we even talk. You know, investing is I'd say our the way we spend money is through our values.

So I think the way we give money is through our values. So what's important to you as a climate, is it's hunger, children, social justice, you know, health. What is it that you want to change in the world, and how do you want to go about it? And I think starting with that, going back to what you're doing, putting it part like you have this dedicated spending category that is non-negotiable. And I love that part of it. And we're going to talk about how really we can be very intentional and strategic with that. But I think it's like once you decide, like, you know, I'm going to give 10% of my annual income to an organization or to many, whatever it is, spread, spread the wealth. There's ways you could actually vet charities.

I don't know. You can you can talk a little bit about that as well. And at the end of the day is creating the discipline around it. So -

So yeah, start start with values like what what actually touches you. Because again, once you step into this world, and you sign one petition, you send one check, you are getting mail for the rest of your life. And so saying yes to one thing and really dedicating yourself, I think that's good advice. Right? You really want to focus on the thing that makes the most difference in your heart. You feel like you're making the most difference in the world. Saying yes to that one thing means saying no to a lot of other different things, which can be hard. And I feel like you kind of have to build that muscle as your, as you're giving. And then secondly, yeah, just the discipline to, you know, stick to a spending strategy just the way that we do a spending strategy with everything else. There's groceries, there's health care, there's housing, there's charity doesn't have to be 10%. Just even giving 1% even just finding out how does this help enrich my life? How does this enrich the people's lives, who I'm giving to. And and just focusing on that, I think is a really good idea.

So what did you say? You said something like a it's it's a vote. You get to vote for your for your causes.

When you get votes, they figure out like every dollar is a vote. So figure out what do you want your vote to do?

I love that so much. Yeah, I'm voting to help people, you know, get another meal. I'm voting to house people. I'm voting for climate. I'm. Yeah, you're voting with your money. It's so powerful.

When I think back of my early days when I came to America, like, I think every night when I was making dinner, especially, there were calls I would get to make a charitable donation to some organization or another. And of course I was like, oh, that sounds like a kid needs my money. So I would, I always did, and I remember later I would share the story with a friend of mine feeling really good about myself that I've done that, and she would almost scold me and say, Patrice don't, don't do that again. Like there's a better way for you to impact someone's life because those funds are typically just going to go into a pool that's really paying for the CEO's salary or the employees, mostly. But it's not going to go to the actual initiative that the organization's trying to promote. So it was really I was I didn't believe it initially. But then, you know, over time I realized that's probably what's going to happen. So I think even for me, since I've been at Morton, I was really fortunate to be exposed to different organizations that have been here in our community, really in our back door that I've never had known about had I not been here.

Furthermore, I got involved, with an organization that's based on the East Coast called Women Money Matters. And for me, obviously, I'm I'm in the profession of financial planning and advice and I always say that it pains me that my industry fails us as women investors, but also women at large. And if I wasn't in this particular industry, I would not know a lot.

Let's just say a lot about how I would just better plan for my life. So through pro bono, financial planning is my way to really pay it forward. Because I feel that somebody, you know, everything I've learned, even from being here, from my colleagues through continuous education, from me having access to different resources, for me to be able to share that is, I think, really, really important to me.

And it's been really gave me that really fuzzy, warm feeling. Obviously lots of oxytocin release there. But I get to work one on one with, with a woman for 12 weeks. And we really go through different stages of financial planning from, you know, budgeting to understanding credit score to understanding needs and wants to how do you save, how do you set up an emergency savings, even potentially, like invest and open an IRA.

But that's really that's like really big road. Yeah. Very, very, very down the road because these these ladies live paycheck to paycheck. They are low income housing. It's rough.

So that's amazing. It's like I feel like our industry is not there's no place in our industry for that client right there. It's like you can't pay us for our time. So you giving your time in the way that you're an expert is just so valuable. It's like, I sorry, like I'm not going to go build houses. That's useless. I don't know how to do that, but I can tell you how to get out of debt because I have expertise in that way, right? Yes. I love that so much. And I feel like you, you touched on something too, that there is some street smarts that happens when you get into this world of charitable giving. The more control and knowledge that you can have, like you giving your time and your expertise like you know exactly where that time is going. But like you said, like there's a lot of organizations that really if you dig into the into the balance sheets, the income statements, like they're not using your money to go to the causes to the degree that you think. And so there are a couple of organizations, charity, watch and Charity navigator that at least give you an idea of what percentage of your dollars goes to overhead versus what percentage of your dollars actually gets to the causes. And it's not perfect, but it's at least gives you a comparison of of, you know, how organizations use their money.

So how do we give? Oh, I know, I know, we've been talking a lot about giving, but I feel like most of us, I would say again, prior to me learning more about this good old check and cash. Right. That's good. Right.

Write the check.

Write the check.

No, acutally don't.

Yeah when I actually get out of the grocery store, they get me just so you know, they always get me.

Oh man I know because that's a person who's talking to you face to face. And I'm a people pleaser and I want to sign your petition or do whatever you want. Yeah. No. So there are some good ways to give and there are some better ways to give. If you give cash to a charity and that's impactful, great. There's nothing wrong with that. You're going to get a deduction on your taxes as long as you itemize and you're not taking the standard deduction. There's a certain ways that you can give that a little bit more tax efficient. You can get a better tax break on. And so here's an example. If you've got Apple stock that you bought in 1989 and you bought it for a dollar and now it's worth $200 a share, right. Born at the wrong time. But let's say that that you're in that situation, you can donate that appreciated stock to the charity. Now this is what's cool about that. If you had sold that stock, you would have paid capital gains tax, which is very efficient. But the fact that you're giving it, you're getting to write it off as ordinary income, which is a higher tax bracket. So you're actually getting a bigger decrease in your taxes than you would if you had sold it and given the cash for it, for instance. And so there's another way that you can even leverage that more. And that's called through a donor advised fund what a donor advised fund does. Let's say you're going to give $50,000 to a charity because you had a really big year, like you had a lot of income, you got a big bonus or something like that. And so $50,000 is what you're going to give. But let's say the charity really does it. They need money to come in throughout the years because it's a nonprofit. They have to spend everything that they get. They really need $10,000 through the next five years. That would be better for their cash flow. You can give to a donor advised fund, get the tax deduction for that year, the full $50,000. Invest the money. All the returns are tax free. And then each year you can give $10,000 a year to that charity. And so not only are you getting the best tax benefit for you because you're giving in a year that your tax bracket is the highest, you're doing what's best for the charity, which is a level giving over the next five years, which helps them with their operations. So that's a really cool reason for a donor advised fund. Second cool reason is let's say that you're up a Patrice and you want to give to 200 different organizations. They don't know what your address is because you're giving from your donor advised fund. You're not going to get all that mail. And so it's a lot better if you're like, if you're a scattershot, you know, charitable giver.

And then and then lastly, I think the reason for a donor advised fund that I love is the investment aspect. Let's say if I give $1,000 today, I can buy, you know, 100 meals for people. But if I invest it at a rate that's faster than inflation, then years down the road, I can give 2000 meals or whatever that math was.

I forget where I said, but you can actually leverage your your purchasing power. You're giving power by investing it for the long term. So you want to have the greatest amount of impact. And the strategy might be to invest that money and give it later. It's all tax free whenever you give it.

So Beauust so we're clear, that ship has sailed. My address is probably on display at 150, nonprofits that, you know, constantly send me information that I haven't tried. It's really hard to say. No. They know how to find. You have to pay. Thank goodness. I, I'm a little bit of a financial planner for myself, and I can't give to everyone. But, what's interesting about the donor advised Fund is I'm thinking about Boat Junior right now, so this could be a way for you to actually continue your legacy and just kind of do I mean, I know you're going to instill great values in your little one, and but going to continue for him to be able to share in the same mission, right?

Yeah. Because with a donor advised fund, you can have, you know, your kids become like the successor grantor. And you know, when you pass away, they can be the ones that are managing it to be able to, you know, choose what charities to give to you. I really like that. Or you do a similar thing right now with your kids.

I mean, you have this organization that you're involved with, with your son. Tell me more about that.

I mentioned it a little bit earlier that, you know, my son and I go together and we volunteer, different organizations, and it's through the National League of Young Men. It's really for young men. 9th through 12th grade. And what really does it exposes them to a variety of community service type of initiatives. So the two of us have gone and we've, chopped vegetables so that we can prepare meals for people on Skid Row. We have gone to work with organizations that, work with para athletes. And my son actually got to be in a wheelchair, playing lacrosse with other kids that were not able to walk and just kind of have that same feeling and being able to participate in, you know, games like that or basketball. So really, it's very humbling as well. So for it, for him to see that not everything is, you know, rainbows and unicorns because he has, you know, both my boys are very lucky to, to have a pretty darn good life. So, I think those part he's, he's been able to, to build things, clean up things and just kind of really I would say work with animals and to see him, even though he, he would be exhausted after a long day, he was fulfilled. You know, he's like, this was a really a really good way for me to spend time and for the two of us to actually bond  together as well over these things.

That's incredible. I love that story. And again, that's that boots on the ground feeling of actually getting to see the impact. Another strategy that clients ask us about is legacy planning with with charity. Because obviously when you, you know, when we pass away, a lot of people decide for part of their assets to go to charity. What's like 1 or 2 strategies for legacy planning that charity can play a part in?

I would say that a lot of times, even as part of estate planning, we work with clients that have a very specific charity in mind. But what they want to do, they be there a little bit more, so close to a donor advised fund, but a different take on it. So it's called a charitable remainder trust. It kind of if you think about the name of that, there's charitable remainder. So sounds like the remainder of a trust. It's going to go to a charity type of thing. So what you do is you set up a trust. And it's a it's going to be an entity that's no longer going to belong underneath your assets. So you fund the trust with cash, with stocks, with real estate. Then you designate, the amount of time that you would like to receive this income. So it could be lifetime, or it could be over a specific period of time. And at the end of that, the remainder assets will be going to the charity of your choice. So you've got the charitable deduction. You have also the fact that you're receiving income during this time. And then you're also able to really check the box to, as far as your charitable initiative goes.

It really helps, like especially later on in life where you're living on a fixed income, you want to be charitable, but you also you can't necessarily give too much money at this time. You need that income source to stay there. So it's kind of a good way to best of both worlds that problem.

That's correct, because a lot of times, I mean, a lot of times, even for a donor advised fund and the charitable remainder trust, the gifts are irrevocable. So you can't change your mind. Say, I'm so sorry, can can I have 100,000 back or 50,000 or, you know.

Charities don't usually like that.

No. Not really.

Asked for the money back. This has been such a good conversation Patrice, I again I just I want to be more like you so much for just like everything that you see as an opportunity to help, you're going to help. And I was just like, oh, man, I feel like I'll never get there. But again, there's a lot of people out there who are like me. They need a little bit of a push. There's a lot of people out there like you that might need a little bit more focus on how they're giving, and I hope this conversation has helped people in both categories.

Well. I think you do it very well, though, because you really put purpose and meaning behind your giving. nAnd I think that's really and being a part of your spending strategy, I think it's if it's not there, it's almost one of those things. If it's not on my calendar, it's it's not going to get done.

Exactly. So if it's not on my spending strategy, it's not going to get done.

You've got your lovely wife who is going to share all the love she has for all the initiatives that she can give to, and then you can stick to the to the budget and the spending,

I love it.

Well, I think this gets us to our favorite part of these conversations, which is this or that, and we don't know what questions we're going to ask each other, but we're about to see kind of quick action on our minds. Okay, here we go.

Okay. I'm really happy that I'm asking you this question because this is really hard to answer. Here's a question would you rather give to an organization that you feel deeply connected with emotionally, or would you rather give to an organization that has the most measurable impact? Good luck!

Oh, that is so tough though I would say so. So tough. I would say it has to go to the one that I am deeply emotionally connected to for sure.

Okay, I thought you would say that. Yeah. And, and that makes a lot of sense. That's hard though.

yeah, it is hard. But I feel that if I am very connected to that, then I would figure out a way to make sure my dollars make an impact.

That's right.

So Beau, when it comes to giving, would you rather give a one time large donations or make monthly contributions?

I think, I think I would rather make ongoing contributions because that ties me to that organization and it keeps it in my mind more. Or I feel like if I give one time, then it's it's going to disappear from my memory in a year or so.

Okay. Here's another. You're getting the tougher one. Sorry, but here's another one for you. Would you rather support a global cause, or would you rather support a local organization that affects your community?

I would say one that affects my community, just because I would like to see if we fix things with our community, there'll be ripple effects that will go outside of that. So ultimately it'll be for the better of the world.

Always with the village. Patrice, you just care about the village.

I know you like experiences and things, but would you rather give up your coffee every day for a month in order to donate, or give up that one amazing weekend getaway experience?

Considering I gave up coffee a year and a half ago, I'm going to go with give up daily coffee. But even if I had it, I would say I would rather give up daily coffee or the equivalent thereof and keep the keep the weekend getaways.

Just makes more sense.

Thank you again for watching this episode of Couch Side Conversation. If you could do us a favor and put in the comments or organizations that you give to either your time or money or this organizations that you're passionate about, we'd love to hear kind of what pulls your heart strings, and we'd love for the rest of our community to be able to learn from you in that way.

So thank you.

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