May 2023
Like many people, I had a love-hate relationship with money. I grew up in a middle-class family in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam. I knew how different my life was compared to most other neighborhood kids. My parents did not use money to show off their status, but I knew the benefit of having money: access and opportunities. At a very young age, I already tried making money in my school by reselling school supplies, toys, and some of my kiddie inventions. I used some of my money to “employ” other classmates and made earnings from selling those things to others. I felt powerful until my homeroom teacher found out and shut it down, disciplining me. I did not understand why I was discouraged from doing what I did, but I still loved money. I thought I would become a famous billionaire inventor when I grew up because that would give me power.
I witnessed my family fall apart because of money when I got a little older. Then I hated money so badly. I blamed it for everything that happened to my loved ones. My perspective changed 180 degrees: I decided that I just wanted enough to cover my means. I promised myself I would not be dragged into the money race because having less money would mean I would have fewer problems to face. People would not try to put their hands in my pockets so they would be more “real” to be around.
Of course, both of those two stages were silly and unhealthy. If my family did not have money to give me access to better education, I would not have the drive, resources, and support to be in the U.S. today. And if my family did not also go through the dip, I would not be able to value money as I truly do today; I would not stop blaming the external factors or myself.
It was during Dr. Farnaz’s workshop that I learned how these beliefs around money fit into the four most common money “scripts,” and how each of these beliefs influence our financial behavior and results. But there are ways we can rewire our brain for wealth and abundance. Let me know if you relate to any of these scripts, and if you find yourself identifying with more than one script, that’s normal, though one may stand out the most for you:
Avoidance:
-Thought pattern: You believe money is evil or that you don’t deserve money.
-Behavior pattern: You ignore your bank statements or avoid thinking about money. You think wealthy people are corrupt. You have trouble sticking to a budget. You don’t feel like you deserve a raise at work. You may unconsciously give away money so you don’t have to deal with it or have as little as possible.
-Outcome: Increased risk of overspending, lower income (results from underselling yourself), missed payments, and maybe even enabling others by giving your money away to them so you don’t have to deal with it.
-Actions to correct: Create a ritual around tracking your finances that you can easily follow and that will feel less threatening. Set up automatic contributions to your savings and retirement accounts and auto-pay on bills, so even if you look away, the automated systems will still keep you on track. Set up periodic meetings with your financial advisor to review your plan, and let that person help you increase your financial knowledge. It will feel easier over time.
Money Vigilance
(Personal note: This is my script now due to the nature of my work.)
-Thought pattern: Money is a private matter; it is extravagant to spend money on yourself.
-Behavior pattern: You can be very alert and watchful about your financial health. You are frugal, or at least believe saving is essential. You can be anxious and secretive about your finances and uncomfortable discussing money with family and friends. You are less likely to spend on credit.
-Outcome: You are already making good financial choices. You spend what you can afford. You may not have a good resource for money questions or tips because you are too secretive. You can also be too anxious to enjoy the benefits and sense of security that money can provide.
-Actions to correct: You can do extra online research at reputable sources or work with a trusted financial adviser. Compartmentalize your money and give each bucket a job to do. Then allow yourself to relax and enjoy whatever is left over. Remind yourself you are exactly where you need to be and on track to meet your financial goals.
Money Status:
-Thought pattern: Your net worth = your self-worth. You deserve new things!
-Behavior pattern: You strive to make money as a way to achieve a higher status. You prioritize the outward display of wealth, not necessarily to show off to other people, but rather to convince yourself that you’re important and successful. You will take higher risks to make money quickly and allow yourself to buy more expensive items. You may not be honest about your spending and/or pretend to have more money than you do. Many people from this group have grown up in families with lower socioeconomic status, where they felt inferior financially and socially.
-Outcome: Increased risk of spending more than you can afford. You could become or stay financially dependent on others and may also have to hide your spending from your spouse. Some people in this group could be very successful and wealthy but also have the potential to become workaholics.
-Actions to correct: Discuss spending honestly with a loved one or trusted advisor. Strive to be emotionally, physically, and financially healthy. Financial success without health and fulfilling relationships is worthless. Slow down and recognize that you are not your net worth. Of course, your net worth is a part of you, but it need not define you.
Money Worship:
-Thought pattern: You believe money is freedom and the key to happiness. Money is never enough.
-Behavior pattern: You are more likely to spend compulsively, hoard possessions, and put work ahead of your family. You are drawn toward attaching your happiness to your income, net worth, and possessions. You may engage in compulsive spending and convince yourself that spending money on other people is a show of affection. This behavior is very similar to the money status script, but money worship is more externalized while status is more internal.
You may unconsciously give money to others even though you can’t afford it, and still be financially dependent on others.
-Outcome: Increased risk of overspending. You are more likely to end up with many material possessions you do not need and exhaust yourself with a lifelong belief that something better is just around the corner.
-Actions to correct: Set aside specific weekly times to connect with loved ones. Recognize that money will not solve all your problems.
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Final thoughts:
Status and power are temporary. What is more important to focus on in the long term is our core values, the people we love, and ourselves.
I would encourage you to embrace all your experiences with money and, most importantly, embrace YOURSELF and what you have been through. You are who you are today because of your experiences. The script that worked for you in the past might no longer work for you. Now that you know your relationship to and behavior around money, you can start to rewrite your script and build new habits and systems that align with your goals. Your future will be determined by your present and the actions you take today. So what future do you want for yourself?
About Dr. Farnaz:
Dr. Farnaz is a highly respected leadership and business coach with over 20 years of experience in all aspects of coaching and leadership development. She is extremely passionate about helping high achievers find balance and fulfillment in their lives and reach their true and full potential. She is a professor at California State University, Dominguez Hills, where she teaches leadership and human resource development. After studying improvisation at Second City Hollywood, Dr. Farnaz conducted the largest applied improvisation in leadership study to date as part of her doctoral and post-doctoral studies at Pepperdine University and the University of Florida. Dr. Farnaz is a Certified Coach and a Certified Career and Job Transition Coach as well as a Certified Myers-Briggs Personality Assessment Coach. She is featured as one of the fifteen distinguished leaders—along with, among others, Leon Panetta, former Director of the CIA—in the book Character: The Leader's Bloodline, by Barry Heads II. She lives in Redondo Beach with her two daughters and her husband, Scott. She can be reached at farnaz.tabaee@gmail.com.
DISCLOSURES:
This presentation is for educational purposes only and is not intended to constitute investment advice. Although the information contained in this report is from sources deemed to be reliable, Morton Wealth (“Morton”) makes no representation as to the adequacy, accuracy or completeness of such information and it has accepted the information without further verification.
Dr. Farnaz Coaching is an independent, third-party source and is not affiliated with Morton Wealth. Further, this presentation does not imply that Morton recommends or endorses the services of that third-party source. Any views and opinions expressed by the speakers and/or third-party are as of the date of the presentation and do not reflect the views and opinions of Morton Wealth or its employees. These views are not intended as a recommendation to buy or sell any securities, and should not be relied on as financial, tax or legal advice. You should consult with your financial advisor to thoroughly review all information and consider all ramifications before implementing any transactions and/or strategies concerning your finances.
