December 2025
In this insightful conversation from our 2025 Investor Symposium, Estate Planning Attorney Brian Standing and Wealth Advisor Patrice Bening unpack the realities of gifting and inheritance.
They explore how thoughtful structures can turn money into meaning and ensure that your wealth is optimized and transferred with intention.
Tune in if you're interested in…
Watch previous episodes:
Ep. 165 Finding Purpose in Your Golden Years
Ep. 164 Investing in Whiskey, Marinas & More with Cordillera
Welcome back. Officially the last session of the day. I know you're all sad. Oh. Thank you. Thank you. Well, it's wonderful to be back here. And, you are here for hopefully the right session to transfer wealth wisely. And, a big thank you to the panel before us. That was a really nice deep dive into family meetings.
I think for me, I think it was probably the estate planning equivalent of a Thanksgiving dinner without pie. Just more pie charts. Just kidding. Now, if that session was about creating shared understanding, ours is about when everyone understands and still disagrees. If you don't know me. My name is Patrice Bening. I'm an advisor and partner here at Morton, and I am absolutely delighted to share the stage with a dear colleague of mine, Brian Standing, wealth and legacy planner here at Morton.
And today we are going to talk about the sometimes awkward, often emotional, and definitely needed topic of wealth transfer. We're going to talk about gifting. We're going to talk about inheritance. We're going to talk about responsible heirs and the ones that you want to maybe put a tracker on their trust fund. So Brian, welcome to the party.
Is that the handoff?
That is.
That's an ominous start, right? This is why they put us right before happy hour. So I, I think I think we'll face those issues. I think I'd rather maybe turn this maybe a little more positive, which is to say that for those that have wealth, right, the thoughtful transfer to the next generation, or whoever it is you're leaving things to is a privilege.
And it's been my privilege to be able to help people through those conversations. So, so let's let's switch it to as positive as we can here. And then we'll have some drinks.
Sounds good to me. All right. So maybe we start with a quick poll. So maybe by a quick show of hands. And this is outside of birthday gifts and maybe holiday gifting. Who here has made large gifts to their children? Like right now? Large gifts? Just kind of large.
Whatever you consider large. Not small. Yeah. Not small.
Right. Is it? Has anybody ended up asking for the money back? It's a safe space, I promise. Safe space? I mean, maybe, you know, you probably thought maybe we should have just bought them a nice dinner instead. No. Okay. I mean, Brian, maybe. I mean, obviously not everybody raised their hand. So why do you think so few people give larger amounts to their lifetime?
Does it mean lack of control? Maybe fear of what the kids are going to do with the money. Maybe it's that memory of that one time your child, you know, spent 5000 on NFTs and called an investment in culture.
I will say that this is actually an impressive percentage over the course of let's say, I don't have enough gray hair. Let's not talk about how long I've done this. Now, over the course of doing this at the beginning. Very few people would make transfers of any sort of significant amount to the next generation. And the the default was sort of just why would I.
Right. I earn this, and they'll earn their money. And when I'm gone, they'll get what's left. And that that makes sense. And it was kind of the state of affairs for a very long time. I'll say that more recently, and probably through some of the education and meetings that our, our clients at least have, people are more open to this idea, but it's, it's much more sort of tangible.
It's specific. Right. An example might be something like, well, my child's either going to be able to buy a house so the grandkids will never be nearby or they're going to move to Nevada. And so that becomes something where it's like, you know, it's not spoiling. It's some targeted transfer for some specific purpose. And, these kinds of things are where we're helping a lot more than we used to help with.
I like that, and I know when we were. What I really like about you is that you have a very unique approach to estate planning. And you look at things through two different lenses. It's a practical one and a philosophical one. So when we think about even just for me, when I think about wealth transfer, I think I would say for families with significant wealth, gifting is really not about numbers.
It's really more, you know, it's a transfer about values, expectations, identity, impact. But I think even in today's world, and I think even when Jeff was talking about the healthy skeptic, which I encounter even when talking to my clients, is there's this assumption that the kids air quotes I'm going to put myself is in the kid bucket, that the kids are okay, that we're doing all right.
The problem is that when we think about the cost of living, when we think about housing costs, when we think about what it takes to save money for college, ask me how much my food bill is for two teenage boys. Don't ask me, when I think, you know, the people that have to deal with student debt.
Life is very, very expensive nowadays. So my question to you is when the reality paints a different picture than what I think the I would say older generation assumes of their younger kids to be. Do you think, is that do they shift their view in gifting, knowing that it's harder for the kids to actually become wealthier for them?
Yeah, I think so. I think in the past, there was a sense of like, if you work hard enough, you can achieve a reasonable lifestyle, whatever you feel that that might be. Maybe it's owning a house. Maybe it's getting to go on vacation a couple of times. There's sort of acknowledgment now that even a hardworking child, extremely hardworking, educated, that that sort of what we would call a meaningful life is actually extremely difficult now to obtain.
Like, the cost of entry is very high. And so that's why we're now facing these issues that arise when we start accelerating our estate planning. So in other words, in your mind, you're giving gifts or you're giving, you know, let's say wealth to the next generation. But now we're starting to do it while someone is alive, which of course brings up new issues, some of which we spoke about in the last one.
And some of which we're probably going to talk about. And the theme that you'll see is that there's always the financial, more practical. And then there's the philosophical. And I can tell you that when you're an earlier professional, it's easy to stick to the financial, the practical stuff because there's answers right there, certainty about how trusts work and how the law works.
And you can give answers, and it feels very comforting. The real hard questions are the philosophical ones, right? And maybe the personal ones, the family dynamics.
And I would say there's also an emotional side of it, because I actually have clients saying all the time, I want to help, but I don't want them to expect it. And like, how do you answer that? Like, how do we build that in?
I don't know. I'm always a little suspicious of the kids and what they're up to. So I want to see tangible things happening. So yeah, I think because I, you know, there's only so much we can get to in this period of time, I think I'll highlight a couple things that will maybe be relevant to some of you when you start accelerating transfers.
And so if you've got in your mind this sort of bucket and let's say you have three kids and it's split three ways, and all of a sudden you help one with a down payment on a house, right. You've effectively accelerated some of maybe some share they were going to get and there's the question of, well, do we need to account for that.
Right. This. Is it an advance? Is it a loan? Is it a gift? Do I really want to treat my kids as like an Excel spreadsheet and keep track of who I've given what to do? And so we we actually have to face this question, because sometimes as you're giving things and you're helping your children out, for example, your estate plan is actually the furthest thing from your mind.
Hopefully, it should be right, and we shouldn't have to worry about your estate plan for a long time. So we sort of have to face that question of how does this impact. And then it's even maybe more complicated than you think. Right. And I have a client who said, oh yeah, I gave 250,000 to 1 child. So in my estate plan, there's 250,000 when I die.
Well, I'm not an economist. I'm also not a financial advisor, thankfully. So you guys get to do that. I don't think that's going to be worth the same amount of money 20 years from now. Right. So do we have some sort of modifier on this gift? Who knows. But these are the issues. As soon as we start giving money early that we sort of have to face at least and acknowledge them.
I do like that. And we do have these conversations very often with our clients, consultants that I really like having. I do like the idea of targeted gifting, because a lot of times I think it's natural, natural for us parents to just give outright. But targeted gifting makes it, I think, more impactful. I actually have a dear client of mine who actually helped her son, who wanted to, he had a startup, and she gave him money through a guarantor trust.
And it wasn't just a gift. It was basically an investment with oversight because he had to hit specific milestones in order for him to access more capital. And that really kind of hit, you know, checked a couple of boxes. It was gifting with guardrails, and it helped him, you know, have a plan in place that, you know, so that business doesn't really kind of just have something that's kind of, you know, has hazard.
And then for his parents to know that they're investing in his future as well.
Yeah. I'm smiling because that's a dangerous game. Be reporting your business performance to your parent. So you give.
Well that was a separate, that's the philosophical side of things Brian. Come on. All right. So let's say that we have a client who is financially able and emotionally ready to make a gift. Now, what are some of the common issues that come up with that?
This is where like 100 different things come into my mind. So I think that we'll focus on I think maybe the most common misconception, and maybe not here because a lot of us have spoken in the past. But there's this idea that if you have a responsible child, they receive money's right. You make gifts to them easy.
And if you have an irresponsible child or beneficiary, you've set up a trust for them, right? And what I would remind you or tell you is that whether you need a trust and whether your child can manage moneys that they receive are two entirely separate questions. So anytime we're moving more substantial amounts, we probably want to consider setting up a trust, even if they're responsible, because this is sort of a special designation that you cannot otherwise get.
So, I'll elaborate, but some people might know them as like dynasty trusts or heritage trusts. Generation skipping trusts. The longer the name, the more they cost. So just be careful if it's in Latin, don't even try. So the reason that we want to consider this is that when you own something, as many of you know, it's yours.
That's great, but it's subject to potentially third parties. So let's say someone sues you, get in a lawsuit. Right? It may be something where you have a spouse, and it's an uncomfortable topic for you, and it's difficult to say no, I want to have a separate bank account, and you don't really have an excuse for why you just like, you know, just leave me alone.
It's a little bit weird. So the time to do this planning is before someone receives assets, you set up a trust for them. This is not like your own revocable trust that avoids, you know, probate court, and you put assets in there. And now they have this special designation. And again, they can be in charge of this, but now they have this preferred bucket.
And if something goes wrong in their life, generally it's protected. If a spouse says, you know, hey, how come I'm not on that bank account? Oh, my parents set up a trust for me, wish I could. It's there if we need it. That's a really nice way to just keep things separate. And then there are some tax benefits.
These are maybe less relevant now, obviously, it's a good problem to have if were in excess of 15 million, 30 million, you know, per couple. But really that's the key is up front. We want to think about... should we have a trust? Is this the time to set it up?
I want to maybe double click on something that, has really come up in some situations with some of my clients and that I know I've talked to you about. And I know we've talked earlier about why few people give larger amounts during their lifetime, and it might be maybe philosophical tensions. It might be the fear of not having enough, maybe, maintaining control over their legacy.
But I feel there's also a different dynamic happening when, there's, let's say two siblings. And what I see is that some parents tend to gift to the one child that tends to be more successful, and they feel that by giving to that child, it's going to actually empower them to even become better. And that money gets amplified.
And then the child that is still searching maybe needs a little bit more direction or maybe struggling financially, emotionally, whatever that is, they hesitate. And it's not because they love the child any less, but they feel that if they were to gift funds to that child, the funds would be misappropriated. Or maybe enable, reinforce dependency or create a gap between the siblings.
And, you know, maybe this is a philosophical dilemma, but to me, if wealth is meant to empower, I mean, it shouldn't be directed to the one who needs it most.
This is a tough one. I think this is very personal. I think in my experience, there is no agreement on this. It's like we have multiple meet. It's like those conferences where no one can agree on anything except where they need another conference. And so they all come back and have another meeting. So I don't know the right answer here.
I can tell you that it's personal, such that you know, you may have children who have sort of different success rates, but this could be due to different decisions that are made. Right. If the decisions are more along the lines of you know, I chose a career path that's meaningful, it's just not as rewarding. Well, maybe it's not.
We're not in a place where you wouldn't also receive more help. That wouldn't make sense if it's more a result of maybe they can't stick with something, right? They haven't ever sort of earnestly attempted anything. Then maybe we're more on the side of yeah, well, you know, make gifts to your sibling and not to you, but these are tough conversations.
And, you know, the things that obviously we just have to sit down and work through.
I'm pursuing a degree in psychology. I am not, but I will soon. So let's move on to into responsible heirs territory. So I know we've talked about why we give assets, but let's talk about how to give assets. So whether is someone is gifting, doing their life or a death, what are some of what are some of the considerations that we need to take into account?
Yeah, I think we'll do some more philosophical. And this is something that has been rewarding and challenging in its own way because there's there's no answers. And so that the, the, the best way I can articulate this is that when we have a client, they typically have wealth, right?
And the reason we refer to this as wealth is that it's typically the result of some combination of factors. Very likely giving value to others during your lifetime. Right. Providing value, working hard upon receiving. You know, let's say some money's also not just consuming them. Deciding, you know what I want to think about the future. I want to build something.
So when we look at our net worth, we're seeing wealth. This gives us fulfillment, satisfaction for someone receiving these assets. I won't call it wealth. This looks a lot more like money. And you may say what's the difference between money and and wealth? Well, money. And in a sense it's almost literal money. Because if someone passes away, you can sell things and there's no tax.
Like, you can literally turn this into money. But even more philosophically, money is just the right to time, right? This just says I now have time. I can do something with it. And so the key in my mind for this next generation is, well, what do you do with it? Right. Your paths are consumption-like, you know, pleasure seeking or more creation.
Right. Building something, putting time and effort into something. And so that's that's that final step, right? We set up the trust. We have all the protections in place. We have all the, you know, fancy bells and whistles in our trusts. It doesn't matter if the child does not look at this as the enablement of fulfillment, not sort of fulfillment in its own right.
And that's a great point. I actually had a client, she set up three separate lifetime trusts for each of her three adult children. One of her, kids invested in real estate, one use it for philanthropic ventures, and one kept it as is. So same structure, different outcomes, but all protected. So that's that's really I love that that part a lot.
Should we move on? All right. Moving on. We're almost there. I know, I know, we have we have a little, question, but I guess we can talk about the pleasure seekers, those that treat their, you know, inheritance like a Vegas weekend. So what if, with all of our best efforts, they just, you know, they can't.
Those beneficiaries just can't manage their assets responsibly. What do we do?
It's a quick story. We haven't done many stories.
I have a client. And we're on the phone and he says, you know, he says, Brian, my son came up to me this morning and he said, dad, I'm going to help with the house payment one day and I'm going to help with the bills one day. And, you know, I just can't wait. And I said, this sounds great.
What's the problem? And he said, he's 38 years old.
So it never gets old every time.
So we do have to face this question sometimes. So I think because some people will find themselves in the place where they don't feel comfortable, at least as of now, transferring control over too much wealth at any given time. So you immediately will find yourself in the position of now we need some third party, right? If it's not going to be my beneficiary, my child, someone else has to be around in charge carrying out some parameters that we have decided is appropriate.
And so some of the hardest questions in this situation is, well, who is this right? Is it a friend? Is it a family member? Is it a professional trustee? Is it your trustee? Local attorney who's, you know, very well-meaning? I'm not actually trying to get this job, by the way. I declined it often. So that's kind of the threshold question.
If we cannot just transfer the wealth.
So beyond the having to think about the dynamic between the type of trustees that you're going to choose, what are some of the trust provisions that one should consider as well?
Yeah, I think it's useful, to just hit maybe an example or two just because right now it's, it's sort of intangible and I guess I can, I can share things that sound like a good idea and then maybe don't turn out to be a great idea. And so a lot of times people say, what about things like income match, right?
If they make money, we'll give them a distribution from the trust. This sounds great, right? We're encouraging hard work when it comes down to it. What we're what the child might see or the beneficiary might see is what we're valuing is just how much money you make, right? Not what impact are you making on the world. And sometimes the benefit of this wealth is to be able to make an impact that is not reliant on how much money can I go and make?
Right. And so the children who are left behind are like, well, I can take job A, which I, I don't connect with. It's not meaningful. But I'll get a bigger distribution for my trust or I can take a job which is meaningful to me and I won't get a distribution. So typically by talking these things out and applying them to your family, we can say this may not make sense.
So that's an example. The other story is the tattoo story that Galeski just stole from me in the prior session.
Well, I was going to say, if some of you who know me, I was thinking about crazy provisions and, I run a marathon, so I was going to make my kids run marathons before they get inherited money.
You know, you could put it, like, along the way. Yeah.
It's a great point, right? Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. Was that free advice?
I know now people are going to be tucking money into their shorts. Don't do that. Okay. That's a whole weird situation...
So as we wrap up, final tips on structuring trusts for younger, irresponsible beneficiaries, and how do you help clients move beyond that classic. 25, 30, 35 tiers or something that actually reflects real life?
I think I mean, where we started was to treat this as an opportunity, right? It's one other thing with your wealth that you get to do is to set up this meaningful inheritance that you shouldn't feel afraid of doing right. So coming with that attitude and then being prepared not just to talk about these technical things, which of course, I love to talk about, but these philosophical questions and, you know, spend the time on it.
And I think, you know, that's one of the greatest things that has been a result of this relationship with Martin that I've had is that I spent many years on the clock. And so it's like, okay, when did I get the first one? Third. When did they get the second one? Right. And then those ages show up.
And now we get to sit down and really talk it through. And make it a little more meaningful and specific to each family. And so that's been very rewarding. And I would encourage everyone to do that.
Oh thank you Brian. And before we let you go to happy hour, I just want to say that one of my favorite parts of working with you is that you really have this uncanny ability to take a really dry, boring, technical, even daunting topic as estate planning and make it extremely human. You have this ability to bring clarity, warmth, even humor and turn things that, you know, conversations that are not just productive but, you know, extremely meaningful.
And as we close, I just want to remind everyone that gifting and inheritance aren't just financial decisions. They're extremely personal. And structure matters even for responsible heirs. And thoughtful planning can turn money into meaning. And when it comes to pleasure seekers, a good trustee, a little creativity goes a long way. Now go enjoy happy hour and maybe toast to your future trust provisions.
