July 2025
That silence can carry a heavy cost. When families avoid talking about finances, they miss out on a powerful opportunity—to build trust, align on values, and equip the next generation with the confidence and clarity they’ll need to handle personal, professional, and financial responsibilities.
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Watch previous episodes here:
Ep. 145 Wealth Protection in Uncertain Times
Ep. 144 Value vs. Cost: How to Evaluate Advisory Fees
Eric, thank you for joining me in the conversation today to talk about the importance of a family meeting.
My pleasure.
We're having our annual symposium on October 22nd, later this year. Right. You, me and Priscilla Brehm are going to have a more formal conversation around the importance of a family meeting and creating a shared understanding of values.
Because you think about family meetings a lot, probably comes in. It comes to mind. We wouldn't have this company or this business if it wasn't for all of the work and an effort that you put in over the years and the conversations that you've had with people and families. Thank you. I found something interesting. Among affluent families, 67% have never spoken to adult children about finances.
78% of those that did admitted those conversations had, happened spontaneously, with 26% of them regretting the timing or the approach. We think family meetings are extremely important, and it's not just about, you know, talking about money, finances, business, life in general. You don't even have to share the actual dollar amount. Maybe it's it's around or around sharing values.
But why do you think family meetings are so important?
The family meeting is important because you really want to try to convey something to your next generation. The question is, what do you want to convey? So we walk into a family meeting saying first to the client, what is your goal? Are you trying to let them know how much you have or are you trying to, as you said earlier, share values?
Are you trying to prepare them for the next generation or the next iteration of what's going to happen to this family? Because if you haven't already had these types of conversations, if your children are really unprepared, then you've got to make a decision. Do I need to prepare them? I just going to let them kind of shoot from the hip when they get there.
Yeah, I mean, a lot of clients that I've talked to, it's not even so much about the amount of money that they have that they want to inform their kids. It's why they have things set up the way that they do, what things are, what to do. If something were to happen to me. I mean, these are just crucial conversations to have.
I was joking with one of them. They said, if you came to my house, if something were to happen to me, you'd look on the wall and see this picture and think that it was worthless. But you'd think that one over there was really expensive. Well, it's the exact opposite. I don't want my kids to just have a garage sale and give that away for $100.
It was an interesting part to view that in the context of this family meeting discussion.
And that because the issue again, is to do, I want to share exactly what we have that kind of makes sense that you've kind of gone around the house and said, you may not know about these things. Let me tell you about them separate issues, but I do want you to know about my entire net worth. I mean, if you're like in my family, if my kids are going to help decide my health care and they find out I have a paper cut, they might pull the plug on me.
But in this case, you might say, I need you to know this, but you don't necessarily have to know that. And that's a very personal decision.
Well, some of the reasons why people don't have these family conversations is that in the survey that, Ian found doing the research, got to love Ian for doing the research. 85% of parents worry that they'll pass on bad financial habits. So that comes with a confidence issue around people and the decisions that they've made over their lives.
And then 52% of people wish they had learned more about debt growing up. I mean, it's just fascinating to think about the number of people and the lack of conversations we have around money and debt and finances in our society. But it's something that we're all yearning for, but a lot of it stems back to the original comments that you made around values.
And one of the best family meetings I've ever had and been part of, was with a client that in advance of that family meeting him and his spouse, wrote down a list of the things that they value in life. You know, money doesn't. Money doesn't solve all problems, but it sure helps ease the struggle. It was just stuck with me.
It was so fascinating to be able to share that with the kids and then ask their kids, what is what do you value? What does money mean to you? You can learn a lot in that conversation, right?
Reminds me of one of my clients and my best friend. He always used to say his mother said, Rich or poor, it's good to have money. But in this case that's to say that you're making a conscious decision. Am I going to start early enough, even when your children are maybe even teenagers? Am I starting early enough to start teaching them the value of money?
And then you've got to make that decision as you go along. At what point to my children, if I don't feel like they may not make good decisions... then I need to start earlier in trying to help them make those decisions, to start learning about what's going on. It is also, as I call KYC. In our business, we have 'know your client.'
It's our fiduciary responsibility to know our client and to understand about them, to do the right thing for them. Here I call it KYC. Know your children. I've got some clients where they're going, like my children are minimalists. And so we've got to take some other action because I'm not going to be able to teach them or they don't care about money.
And then on ones are going like, I really want my kids involved. So I need to now know, can they handle it now? At what age can they start to handle it?
Yeah. I mean, along those lines is, some clients we have conversations with. Does it make sense to help them out now while they're alive and share with them the why behind their doing that, or just to hold on to it and wait till pass it on until, you know, later on down the road when something happens to you.
It's knowing the impact that it can have, but also the effect that it has on you financially in your ability to do that. The one thing that I struggle with that I think a lot of people struggle with is tying their success and value of themselves personally to the success or money that they've been able to attain themselves.
I think it's something that we all struggle with this, like personal net worth. And as we grow and get older, we realize that, you know, it's not all about money. It can be about experiences, quality time, a lot of other things. But, you know, for some clients that have been successful, if they've got younger children, maybe just out of high school or college or early in their career, they probably haven't learned those things yet, right?
And there could be this sense of entitlement. Or maybe the kid wants to do it on their own. I don't know, we just have to be careful with what the money represents and more focused on what we all value around things and what decisions we made that helped us get to these points. You talk about war stories all the time.
I think war stories are the best ways to learn and prevent yourself from making those same good or bad decisions. Right. And we need to have those conversations to share with them and pass that along. That's one of the benefits that we have is working with some of the most successful people ever. Not in terms of dollar amount, but their ability to live a financially free life.
Right. And the war stories should include even my failures. Even some lost battles. Because you do lose. You know, you get stronger, of course, when you when you make mistakes. But it's one of those things where you it's like Warren Buffett said, you want to give your kids enough money that they can do whatever they want, but not so much money.
They don't do anything at all. Again, I'm going to I know I'm repeating myself because at my age I do those things. But KYC, know your children. Do they need that kick now? Should they know that information now? But again, figuring out those values, if that's my goal, let me teach you about my values. Now you need to create your own values.
That's really a good place to start.
I like that you brought that up because it's not always about like, am I going to, you know, create a trust fund, kid? And the answer is maybe yes, maybe no. But some of it has to do with those shared values in that drive and that entrepreneurship or, you know, that that pursuit of excellence in everything that they do that's completely separate than a dollar figure.
Right. And the dollar, you know, clients come to me and say, should I tell the kids how much we've got? And sorry, KYC, know your children. Is that important? You know, I use once had somebody tell me in business that, you know, the amount of dollars is just for keeping score. So most of the time, most clients tend to feel like, no, I don't really want to share that dollar figure, but I do want to share how I feel about money. 00;08;56;29
Is there going to be charitably involved? Why did I maybe give one child more money than the other? Trying to figure that kind of things out, hitting some of the more difficult questions before you die is sometimes helpful for after you're gone.
Yeah. This world that we live in today, I mean, it's 2025, it's not 1980. And I'm not trying to... I apologize.
Feel free to age me.
I'm not trying to age you. But we have to realize the world of technology that we live in today and the access to information. Some clients say, I don't really want my kids to know how much I've got. If you own a few properties and they have the address, they got a pretty good idea too.
It's true. They just may not know it's in your brokerage account. But, you know, I also like from what you said... I like that some people have, you know, a different way they go about it. So, for example, when I first started this business from so many years ago, then clients said to me, well, I need $10,000 out next week.
I said, why do you need the 10,000? Said, I'm giving my daughter money. She just bought a house saying I want she wants to landscape and I'd rather give her the money now so I can enjoy it and see her enjoy it now, than wait till I'm dead. Yeah, and that's one mindset. Another mindset is, is that okay?
The kids are going to wait. They're going to have to make it on their own, and they'll just give it as a lump sum when it happens. So it's a very personal thing. And there's a lot of different ways to to do it. That's why I always say, if you'd like to try to educate the kids in a family meeting, bring in your advisor, Morton Wealth.
We specialize in doing these things. Bring us in as an objective third party, and let us either moderate it, or let us just kind of help steer the conversation based upon what you're looking to do, not upon what our goals are, what your goals are.
I had another family meeting a few years back. Client's daughter just graduated from school, got her first job. She came in. We had lunch in an hour and a half. Conversation just simply around investing how we invest, how we look at the world. Decisions that she could make to, you know, help find, save or make more money as she saves in her 401k or looks at a health savings account.
It had nothing to do with this client's actual net worth, right? But everything to do with helping the kid learn, how to make better decisions.
Exactly. And that kind of thing is invaluable. I mean, you I mean, another issue that comes up a lot is, well, I've got multiple children. Should they all work together to run the estate afterwards, or should I make one in charge again? KYC. But you I mean, my wife Lynn and I had this conversation in the day in our situation, we put it so that because one of our children is financially savvy and the other two are going like, I trust her, let her take care of it.
Just like I did in my family. Yeah, but on the other ones, I've had clients come and say, nope, let them all decide together. Two one to gang up on the on the third one. So be it. Is that a burden on them? I don't know. Lynn and I were discussing and saying maybe that's an unfair burden we put on a child.
So that may be a conversation you want to have with the children to say, who's going to be in charge? Who does get to pull the plug on when it's the appropriate time or inappropriate time?
Two things really stand out to me as sort of the basic framework as to why to have a family meeting. One is sometimes your kids might not be aware or privy to your financial situation, and they might worry in the back of their mind that may be that they have to support you or take care of you when you get older.
That might cause them to have less experiences or make different decisions with money. So just simply talking about the situation that you're in, why things are set up that way, and whether or not you know, you hope that your kids can, you know, help support you or they don't need to worry about that can cause them to make different decisions.
Absolutely.
The other thing has to do with real estate. I see it time and time again where somebody purchased a piece of property for a very little amount of money, many, many, many, many years ago. It's in their personal family trust that that piece of real estate has grown a ton in value, but they've got a low-cost basis.
Low expenses because the property taxes, you know, are lower from that original basis. And when something happens to that, that person that owns it and it passes in the next generation, they get a step up in cost basis on the property. Right. But then guess what? Now their property taxes go up. Maybe their insurances go up. Maybe it's not generating the type of revenue for that next generation that it did for you.
But the kids don't know all of these things, and they just know how much their parent loved that property over the years, and they might be willing to own something that's probably not a good asset to own. Now that the expenses have changed, right. And you've got to have these conversations.
Yeah, I'm actually dealing with that right now where somebody has a property like that. And I'm saying it's just not making you enough money. Now, if it's a sentimental reason and you just got to do it for mom and dad, that's fine. Very personal. But otherwise, that's why you want your objective, you know, Wealth Advisor to be talking to you about it and trying to help steer you, at the very least, to allow us to say, here are the options.
When somebody used to come to me in my old business and say, okay, well, here's what, here's what we can do. And I say, well, what are my options? Well, that's the only option. But then you just told me what to do. We don't want to tell people what to do, but it is our job to say, here's what the world is available to.
Just like in investing, as you know, we like to look at the whole world of investing. Here's your options. Let's see which one makes sense for you. Then you can make a decision.
Yeah. So when you go back to like the basic framework of if you're looking to have a family meeting or you're wanting to engage with Morton for us to help, what are the key things, key considerations to have? You mentioned a couple of them earlier, right. Do I want to share with my kids the amount of money I actually have?
That's a yes or no, right? What values do I have around money and maybe how did what decisions that I make to get from where I started to where I am today, what what sort of traits or values, what I like them to carry on for the future. Right. What's the intention of this money? What are some other things that you can think of?
Well, just as a quick aside, when you say those items, also you can decide do you want to rule from the grave? I mean, do I want to tell them what to do with their money or not? And so that again, a very difficult decision. I think what's really important is to make sure your kids know that they have trusted advisors.
You've got Morton Wealth, they've got their estate attorney, they've got their CPA. These are people that they should be aware of so that if something does happen, like, at least I can go ask questions of the appropriate people since we act as the quarterback. So it's a good chance we should get hopefully get to know the kids well.
I know a lot of our clients' children and now they say, what do I do next? Okay, you need to go talk to this person. You talk to this person. We're going to help guide you along the way. And I think the other big one that people worry about is that if my kids say what happens if I start seeing you getting dementia or Alzheimer's, are you what should I do?
Or should I be taking over? What at what point? Again, a trusted financial advisor is really helpful in those cases.
Yeah, that's a good point. I mean, mental incapacity I guess is how you would phrase it. That happens very fast in some situations, but then it's also slowly over time. And so you need to have that consistent person that's, you know, communicating with them to kind of understand when there is a decline and whether or not there's somebody that can step in and help kind of take over and be that trusted person.
And so having a family meeting can also make sure that you're choosing the right person that has the time, the availability, and maybe even close enough to where you live to be able to help support that.
Exactly. I mean, even within that, like an advanced health directive, I mean, talking to children, especially the 1 or 2 that are going to be in charge of making those decisions, saying, here's how I really feel about it. Okay, wait three days. And if I'm not really bitter, okay, you know, I do. I don't want to live with you if I'm past X age.
Let's let the kids know how you feel about it. I had to make that decision for my parents and it was a very difficult decision, but I knew how they both felt about it. Yeah.
I know I'm going to put you on the spot. And again, we're going to carry on this conversation at the investor symposium back in October. But you were quite successful even prior to working here at Morton Wealth as a financial advisor. You sold a business. When you think about this family conversation today versus maybe 20 years ago when you sold your business, what are the things that you've learned today that you probably didn't know then that you wish you knew now?
I think the biggest thing I've learned is that don't keep it all right here. Close that close to the vest. I grew up in a family where everything was very close to the vest. Even though I was involved in the family business. And even though I knew all my parents' finances because it was who I was and what we had to do, but just kind of keep there and kind of hoping for the best once you're gone.
Yeah. Good. Trust documents going to hopefully point everyone in the right direction, but let people know how you feel. Let people know what your goals are, what your values are. Let the kids know those things because then they'll make their own decisions. But at least think they got that part of they influence from you. And I think that was probably the biggest thing I learned.
That's a good piece of advice. Maybe they won't pull the trigger if you get a paper cut too.
Well, you know, it's I'm concerned about it. But watch your back. We always say that as long as my wife's alive, I get to stay alive. If something happens to her, I'm probably in deep trouble.
Eric, I really enjoyed this conversation. Thank you so much. And if you have questions about wanting to have a family meeting, please reach out to your Martin Wealth Advisor. We'd love to have the conversation with you and help put a framework that makes sense for you and your family.
Information presented herein is for discussion and illustrative purposes only. The views and opinions expressed by the speakers are as of the date of the recording and are subject to change. These views are not intended as a recommendation to buy or sell any securities, and should not be relied on as financial, tax or legal advice. You should consult with your attorney, finance professional or accountant before implementing any transactions and/or strategies concerning your finances
