March 2026
Their conversation highlights that successful family meetings aren’t necessarily about delivering lectures or revealing numbers, but rather creating dialogue, sharing values, and helping families align perspectives on how wealth can support what matters most.
Tune in if you're interested in…
* Why most families avoid talking about money, and why that can create bigger problems later
* The three different types of family meetings and when each one makes sense
* Whether parents should share their net worth with their children
* How to talk about inheritance, responsibility, and family values
* Practical ways to prepare the next generation for wealth
Watch previous episodes here:
Where to Live in Retirement | Morton Wealth
Making Memory Bank Deposits: Tips for Planning Your Next Vacation | Morton Wealth
Welcome. Thank you all for coming. This is an exciting topic for me in particular because I was with Chris on a financial commute talking about this, and we deal with it a lot. The title of this session is A Family Meeting: Creating Shared Understanding Around Wealth. Most of you know that our tagline is helping clients get more life out of their wealth.
Part of that wealth is your financial estate and your regular estate. We want to be part of your total financial life, and estate planning and talking about the next generation are important. Let me first introduce my esteemed colleagues, Priscilla Brehm and Chris Galeski. Thank you. I’m going to give you a couple of quick statistics, then we’ll jump right into it.
A Fidelity survey found that many Americans reported their parents never discussed money with them. Most agreed that early education would have been helpful. Many wished they had talked about money as kids, and less than half actually did. Among affluent families, many have never spoken to their adult children about finances, and most of those who have admitted those conversations happened spontaneously.
They didn’t really go the way they wanted them to go. It just wasn’t quite what they had hoped. So family meetings are a really big topic. This covers a wide range of subjects, and there is no one size fits all approach. What I want to do is jump into it. We’re going to do a little Q and A, and we’ll even have a lightning round, just so you’re aware. Priscilla, I’m going to start with you. Ladies first. How do you start putting together a family meeting?
Well, you start by deciding you’re going to have one. That’s a good place to start. But I think it’s incredibly important to start with why. Why are you having the meeting? Do you want to provide financial education to your adult children? Do you want to have a conversation about family values that relate to your family wealth? Or do you want to talk about the estate plan — who gets what and when do they get it? Those are very different kinds of meetings.
The first one, talking about how to invest, makes me question whether you are the best teacher for that. Maybe you recruit your Morton Wealth advisor to provide that investment education. If the topic is family values, then you are certainly the best teacher because you are the one who experienced accumulating the wealth. You understand what it means to you. You can share your hopes, but I would suggest that you not impose your values on the next generation. Just share where you came from. And with regard to talking about an estate — who gets what and when — again, I wonder if you are the best driver for that meeting. Maybe you recruit an expert to help you.
But something you’ve always pointed out in particular is download versus dialogue.
Yes. In the first type of family meeting, where you’re talking about how to invest, that’s a download. There’s going to be very little back and forth. If you’re talking about family values, that’s a dialogue. That’s an opportunity to share stories and invite questions. And the third one, the estate talk, is again more of a download, but it might end with more dialogue.
One thing I just want to say is that family meetings can be either awesome or awful.
We’ll get into that.
That’s part of it — the mindset going into the meeting. And we can talk later about the setup for the meeting and so on. But I think you start with your why.
Okay. Chris, I know you’ve been involved in a lot of these meetings, and you’ve also talked about being part of a series of meetings. Tell us what you learned and what the experience was like.
Typically, a family meeting isn’t just about saying, here are my assets and here are the values. As Priscilla mentioned, there are really three types. There are the education-focused meetings. You can share asset values or not. There’s the values conversation. And then there’s the one where you open everything up and say, here’s what I have, here’s how it’s structured, and here’s where it’s going.
The education ones are a lot of fun. We’ve had them with kids and grandkids. They come into our office, and we share how to invest, how we invest, our philosophy, how to save for retirement, how to maximize stock options at work, or how to take advantage of a health savings account. That’s purely educational. Nothing needs to be about how much money I’ve saved or what you are or aren’t going to get.
The values conversation can also be really meaningful. You don’t even need to share dollar figures. I had one with a client a long time ago, and they said to their kids, money doesn’t equal happiness, but it does help ease struggle. Then they explained how they had lived their lives, the decisions they made, and the things they believed about money. They prepared that in advance and shared it. Then the children had an opportunity to talk about their own values.
And then there’s the last part — opening everything up and saying, here’s how I have things set up, here’s where they’re going, here’s how much you get, here’s how it’s structured, and maybe whether you have control over it or not. It doesn’t need to get to that last part, although most of us think about family meetings and avoid doing them because of that last part. But there are typically three different types of family meetings you can have.
Now you’ve also looked at it from the younger generation’s point of view. What are younger family members thinking as they walk into a meeting like this?
Personally, I just want to know whether I’m going to need to be responsible for my parents or grandparents at a certain point in their lives. I’m curious because that knowledge helps me make decisions about my own life, my kids, and my family. I think a lot of people my age are interested in that kind of information because most families do not talk about money.
I work in this industry, so we talk about money all the time. That feels normal to me, but I recognize that other families are not like that. We had a situation several years ago where my grandmother had never talked about money and never told anybody much. She was going to have to move out of the house she had been in for decades, and nobody wanted that to happen. My wife and I stepped in. It would have been nice to know much earlier, before she was in that stage of life. But I’m grateful we were in a position to help. So I do look at it through that lens.
Priscilla, is it important to define success up front, or should people just steer toward certain goals?
I think it’s important to set goals and have a vulnerable, open mindset going into a family meeting rather than predefining what success looks like. When you go into a conversation and you are here and you have a goal to get there, you tend to move in a straight line. But if someone else in the conversation is somewhere different, you first have to get everyone on the same page before you can get to the place you have defined as success.
So I think it’s better to say, here’s what we want to share, here’s what we hope you will get from this conversation, and not worry too much about defining success or failure.
Okay. Let’s do a little lightning round. I’ll ask you both this one. The really big question everyone asks is: do you want to tell your kids your net worth? How do people come down on that?
It’s all over the place. I have clients who don’t want to. But at the same time, they may be worried about their kids’ spending habits — not always because they spend too much, but sometimes because they don’t spend enough to be able to inherit comfortably. I think the numbers are less important than the conversation itself.
Everyone is different in terms of the stress money brings them and whether they have a scarcity mindset or an abundance mindset. I’m agnostic about numbers, though I do think at a certain point it can be helpful to share them.
My view is that if you think you want to talk about specific numbers, be aware that in every family there is an imbalance of power. If my husband and I have the money and control the money, then we have the power. Our adult children may have an idea that we are okay, but they don’t know specifics. If we approach the meeting the wrong way by starting with numbers, I don’t think the conversation will progress much beyond that point. So my suggestion is to think first about the power dynamics in your family before deciding whether to talk about numbers.
Okay. So now we’re in the family meeting. Do we want to explore the idea of giving some money to the kids now so we can see them enjoy it and benefit from what we’ve accumulated? Or do we think it’s okay that they continue to struggle and accumulate on their own? Are we married to the principle that we worked for it and they’ll have to wait for it? I want both of you to weigh in.
Again, that ranges across a broad spectrum. Some people say, I had to struggle, so you do too. Others say, one child or family member could use a little help today, but I want to be fair to the others. Even just having a conversation with your children and saying that one child needs help now rather than later can be helpful. You would be amazed how many siblings would say yes, help that child who needs it right now.
You’d also be amazed how many would say no, I want my share. My son is built differently. I’m not talking from personal experience, since one of my kids is here somewhere.
What would you two say are the most common fears people have about having these meetings?
I think the biggest fear is the fear of being judged. Maybe, for parents, it’s a fear of being judged for why they don’t have more, or, if they do have enough, why they haven’t given away more. We always have a tendency to impose judgment when it is least appropriate.
When we’re talking about money, that is a deeply emotional discussion. Money equates, in many people’s minds, with personal value. So when you’re thinking about this conversation, I think the fear of being judged is very real. That’s why it’s important to go in with a mindset that says, I’m just going to share where I am and what my story is, and I’m going to let go of whatever happens after that.
Chris, I was going to let you answer that too, unless you really want to skip it. So should this be a conversation about values? Should I be imposing my values on my children? Should that be part of the family meeting?
That is typically one of the things people want to do. They’ll say, if I’m going to give them this money, I hope they use it in this way, and these are the values I want to pass along. But you don’t actually know how they are going to use the money until you give it to them and see the impact.
You may agree with their choices or not, but what happens is people end up ruling from the grave because they never even tested it out. In my opinion, that’s a very dangerous place to be without having the conversation. We had a family meeting where the client said that being charitable was very important to them. They wanted to make sure they lived within their means and gave back to their community. Both of their kids responded really well, so they created a donor-advised fund, put some money into it, and gave their kids access. Then they got to see their kids donate to charities that mattered to them and share that value together as a family. That was beautiful, in my opinion.
Priscilla, you’ve been very involved in charitable work. Should the family try to impose that kind of charitable value on the children?
I think there is a difference between imposing your values and sharing your values. If you try to impose values, you are likely going to create relationship problems because you are pushing rather than inviting. If you share them, especially from a place of honesty and vulnerability, then hopefully they will be respected, received, and maybe shared back. So rather than imposing values, I would suggest sharing values.
Because when Chris was talking about ruling from the grave, I was reminded of Warren Buffett saying he wants to give his kids enough money to do anything they want, but not so much that they do nothing at all.
Yeah, but what’s that number?
What is it, four million?
I don’t know.
But don’t forget, ruling from the grave also comes from the view that if your kids are ill-prepared to receive the money or don’t know how to handle it, you may need to structure things in a way that provides a roadmap. I’ve had a client say their adult children simply would not be able to handle it. So there is a certain amount of ruling from the grave — or maybe at least protecting from the grave — by setting up your documents carefully.
I’m not sure if that’s ruling from the grave or protecting from the grave.
Okay.
That’s a loaded one, and I hear it from time to time — I’m not sure my kids could handle this money. But what does handle it mean? Are they going to spend it too fast? Are they incapable of making sound investment decisions? Are they unable to strategically make that money last for future generations or support the goals you have? Those are very different issues. There are different solutions for spendthrift concerns versus long-term investing concerns.
One thing someone in that situation can do is, instead of giving the money outright to the child they are worried about — and instead of putting the burden on siblings — they can hire a professional fiduciary to handle that situation. So you do not have to look only within your family for help when someone has special needs.
Not to go off script, but Brian Standing, the estate planning attorney who is part of our team, once told me one of the silliest things he had ever seen someone try to put in a trust. A client said, if my daughter gets a tattoo, I don’t want her to have any money. I asked why that was so silly, and he said, just imagine how that plays out. She would have to go to the fiduciary every year and get a full body check. I thought, okay, good point. Probably don’t want to put that in there.
That might let me win. All right, we only have a few minutes left. I want each of us to tell a little war story, and since I’m the moderator, I’m going first. Every time I’ve been involved in family meetings, there’s a lot of discussion about who is in charge when I’m gone. If you’ve got one child, that’s easier. But when you’ve got two or three or more, it becomes more complicated. Is one more able to work with the financial advisor and attorneys? Will the others feel slighted? If you’ve got multiple children, will it be a majority vote? Will two of them gang up on the third? Even if your documents are clear, family dynamics still matter.
And think about your advance healthcare directive. Who do you want being able to pull the plug on you?
I know you don’t want Megan.
I’m not letting Megan do that. If I get a paper cut, I’m gone. But you’ve got to realize that your advance healthcare directive is just as important in deciding who is in charge. One child may say, I can’t let mom and dad go, and the other may say, no, let them go.
This is a tough one. Who you put in charge depends a lot on family dynamics. I’ve seen families where the kids get along, they have these conversations regularly, and there’s clearly one person they all trust to take over. I’ve also seen families where the siblings do not get along, and I’ve told them they should not put one of the children in charge because it would create a mess. In those situations, they should look for a professional fiduciary or some independent person to navigate it. Who is in charge should be a thoughtful conversation because there are a lot of options.
Priscilla, have you had to deal with the difficult conversation of unequal distributions?
Yes. I had a couple with three children. One child was extremely successful, had far more wealth than the parents, was not married, had no children, and was not really involved with the family. The other two children were married, had children, and were very involved with the family. Mom and dad decided, without talking to anyone, that they would exclude the very successful son from the inheritance.
Mom passed away, and then dad developed cancer. On his deathbed, he told his daughter, who was the trustee of his trust, what he and his wife had decided. She said, oh no, I am not going to tell my brother that he gets no part of the estate. That is on you, Dad.
So she didn’t pull the plug, right?
She did not pull the plug. And I will tell you that every time I saw this couple, I said, please have a family meeting about this because I don’t think your daughter will appreciate the burden you’ve placed on her. Anyway, he brought the son in, and the son responded exactly as you would expect. That family has never recovered. So even though the conversation is hard during your life, it is much harder later. I would really encourage you to have those difficult conversations.
Bring a therapist in if you need to.
And I know we’re up on time. We could obviously talk about this for hours, but there are a number of ways we can help.
Yeah, we’ve barely scratched the surface.
Barely.
They won’t give me more time.
Really fast: don’t have the meeting in a restaurant or a public place.
I don’t even know how to follow that.
As I’ve been saying, we’ve barely scratched the surface, as you can all see. But as you remember, I said in the beginning that we want you to get the most life out of your wealth. Don’t be afraid to reach out to your advisor and ask for help. Can we help facilitate it? Can we just give you ideas? There is a lot to talk about here. Thank you all very much for being here. We appreciate it.
Wow.
Disclosures: Information presented herein is for discussion and illustrative purposes only and is not intended to constitute financial advice. The views and opinions expressed by the speakers are as of the date of the recording and are subject to change. It should not be assumed that Morton will make recommendations in the future that are consistent with the views expressed herein.
